BACON!

“You don’t eat bacon, so you’re already more religious than me.”

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Landscaping

“Your bones are cleaner than mine.”

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Ugly cry

“What? It just says ‘man tears’ on it?”

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How accidents are caused

“I’m not gonna drive to work without a shirt.”

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Now it’s a party

“Well, everybody take off your shirts.”

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Just for a minute, see what it feels like

“Wait, wait… sit on it for a sec.”

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Lemme test

“Is it just me, or does this feel a little bit squished?”

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Ugh, Mondays

“I’ve done enough work this week.”
“It’s only Tuesday.”

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Clowns?

“I’m gonna go do a show in the kitchen.”

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Faking solves nothing

“We’re just gonna ‘normal fake it’, not ‘fake fake it’.”

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