There’s a “wrong” one?

Something went down the wrong throat tube.


Happy holidays 

It’s like Christmas in my mouth. 


They all look weird.

“That’s kind of a weird bag.”


I disagree.

“Not everything in the dark is fun.”


Yes. Yes, I do.

Do you wanna see my box of goodies?


Self-destruct button?

“You let me know when it’s up.”
“You could push the button, if you want.”


In your private time…

I only have one hand free, because the other’s on the phone.


That’s the best kind!

I don’t smoke a lot of meat either.


Or ANY kid, for that matter.

You don’t want your kid playing with me.